I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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