she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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