no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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