threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
