i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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