That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
