god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
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