Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
