I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
