She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
