She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My bed smells like the plague
dude. I can hear the air.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
