I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
