god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
