You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
