She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
