Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
