so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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