Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
