you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
