Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I know her cup size but not her name....
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
