Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
