If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
