Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
