Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
