i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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