I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
