While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
