I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
