Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
