A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
