If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
