No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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