dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
