What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
