beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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