it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
