no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
