Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
