You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
