i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
