So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
