so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
