i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
