He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Your topless pictures make me question reality
whose parrot is this?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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