she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
