I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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