He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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