I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
