hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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