I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
