sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
