no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
