I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
