You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Your cock deserves a montage
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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